And don’t you forget it. Here are 10 of life’s perks reserved for the exclusive enjoyment of The Gays:
1) Get a Boyfriend, Double Your Wardrobe
Before you met him, you owned a dozen tank tops. Boom. Now you’ve got 24. Sharing clothes with your partner is not only one of the best perks of being gay, it’s also economically practical, which means there’s money left over for a few more much needed tank tops.
2) We Get Better Head
No offense, Ladies. We know there are plenty of women out there who break out the knee pads and go to town on a dick like it’s a margarita dispenser. But there’s nothing quite like the expert treatment your man parts get from someone who’s in possession of the owner’s manual for the same equipment.
3) Our Porn is Better Too
A straight guy watching straight porn needs to mentally block out the huge hulk of man-ass, muscle, and cock that’s administering the pounding of the nice young lady he’s trying to jerk off to. That’s a significant portion of screen space being filled with stuff that’s not aiding his boner. When gay guys watch gay porn, we get to enjoy 100% of what we see.
4) You’re Free
Ask any straight person approaching 30. The pressure is mounting from all sides to get married, make babies, buy a sedan, sign a mortgage, and live out your years making monthly payments on all of the above. When you come out as gay, everyone pretty much gives up on pushing you into that conventional life. Call it a blessing in disguise. Relieved of the burden of society’s expectations, you’re free to ask yourself what you really want out of life, and pursue those goals on your own terms.
5) You Don’t Have To Worry About Someone Calling You Gay
Next time someone calls you a cocksucker, hold your head up high and confidently reply, “Yes I am. And a damn good one too.”
Own that shit.
6) Flip Fucking
Some guys refuse to bottom while others only bottom, but the majority of us fall somewhere in the middle. The beauty of being versatile is the freedom to assume a full range of sexual roles from dominant to submissive, at any given time. Once in a great while, conditions are just right for the holy grail of sexual encounters: The Flip Fuck. Fact: Compared to regular sex, flip fucking lasts roughly twice as long and is exactly twice as fun.
7) “Unplanned Pregnancy” Isn’t Part Of Our Lexicon
Just one less thing to worry about.
And speaking of no children,
8) Disposable Income
Many gay couples are choosing to raise a family these days, and more power to ‘em. For the rest of us, not being saddled with kids frees up a surplus of time, energy, and money that gets redirected towards recreational pursuits, like vacations, dining, creative hobbies, and exercise. They don’t call children “dream crushers” for nothing. Just kidding. But seriously though.
9) We Get Our Own Neighborhoods
Okay, straight people have their own neighborhoods too. Okay, straight people have pretty much all the neighborhoods. But The Gayborhood is home to your city’s best eats, liveliest bars, and most interesting people. Beneath the rainbow flags you’ll find a welcoming atmosphere, and the kind of tight knit community bond that can only mean everyone’s slept with everyone at one point or another.
10) We’re Living In Amazing Times
Support for gay rights is at an all time high. Each of us gets to play a part in pushing forward what is likely the most rapidly advancing cultural shift in American history. That deserves a great big fuck yeah.
What do YOU love most about being gay?