The fear of being rejected by someone you have a crush on can be overwhelming, but some level of rejection is inevitable in life and shouldn’t prevent us from pursuing someone we love. This fear of unrequited love is a common experience from youth through adulthood but we can learn to manage and overcome these negative feelings:
1. Know that fear is the only thing holding you back.
You’ve heard Franklin D. Roosevelt’s quote, “Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” No other statement sums up fear better. You might see yourself being turned down when playing out the scenario in your head, which disrupts what you want to communicate to your crush. It will not help your cause if you feel anxious or even defensive towards the person.
Instead, visualize the situation working out exactly the way you hoped it would. You will go into the situation more confidently if you focus on the outcome you desire over the possibility of rejection.
2. Rejection is not the end of the world!
All variations of fear, including the fear of rejection, thrive on “end of the world” thinking. In other words, our emotions convoke us that an undesirable outcome results in complete ego annihilation.
So what if he rejects you?
It won’t result in the “end of the world,” but if we convince ourselves that the consequences are worse than they are, our fear will paralyze us and limit our chances of ever getting the guy we want.
Ask yourself what’s the worst possible response you would get from your crush after approaching him/her about chilling together. Then think about how you will allow yourself to deal with being upset for a little bit, then how you will deal with it and move on. Just doing this exercise will help you to feel less fear around the possibility of rejection.
3. What rejection really means.
If a person discovers a 200-carat white diamond in the Earth but due to ignorance, believes it is worthless and thus tosses it aside, does this tell us more about the diamond or the person? Along the same lines, when one person rejects another it reveals a lot more about the “rejector” than the “rejected.” All you are really seeing is the often shortsighted opinion of one person. Consider the following…
If J.K. Rowling stopped after being rejected by multiple publishers for years, there would be no Harry Potter. If Howard Schultz gave up after being turned down by 200 banks there would be no Starbucks. If Walt Disney quit too soon after his theme park concept was trashed by 300+ investors there would be no Disney World.
One thing is for sure: If you give too much power to the opinions of others you will become their prisoner. So never let someone’s opinion alter your reality. Never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, just because someone else has a problem with it. Love who you are inside and out and keep pushing forward.
4. Live in the moment.
You can train yourself to live right here, right now without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgement.
Life is short, so if you like someone and want to spend more time with him/her NOW is your time to do something about it and like anything else focusing on the task at hand is more effective. By being completely in the moment and focusing on asking out your crush, you’re able to make a real connection which will up your chances by a good margin.
The past is irrelevant, and the future doesn’t exist yet so savor the moment whatever the outcome. The experience is sure to enrich you.
5. Just let go!
People who never learn to question their emotions, especially when they’re feeling nervous or anxious make life much more difficult than it has to be. It’s time to let go a little. Being more confident in life partly means being OK with not knowing what’s going to happen, so you can relax and allow things to play out naturally.
6. Be your charming self.
If anyone is worth spending time with, they’re going to like you for you, not some phony front you put up in order to impress. Any time worth spent with someone isn’t worth spending unless it’s authentic.
Bottom Line: Don’t change so someone will like you. Be yourself and the right person will love the real you.
7. Rejection can be used to your benefit.
As soon as someone critiques and criticizes you and as soon as you are rejected, you might find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am not worthy”.
Rejection is a necessary medic; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find new ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough, only that one particular person failed to see what you have to offer.
Will you be hurt for a moment? Of course, you’re human. But when the emotions subside, you’ll be less afraid to try again, knowing that you’ve leaped outside of your safety zone.
Remember that it doesn’t matter what people think of you. The less afraid you are to go after what you want, the more chances you’ll have at actually getting it. It’s worth taking the chance because either way there is something to gain.